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Fun With Words Part 2,182

31 May

Long time coming…

“Once I was hitting on a girl in Chicago and used the word “sale-able” to describe something, and she spent the next ten minutes correcting me and insulting me, wondering how someone with such a great education could use such an obviously incorrect word. Well I hope that bitch was watching re-runs of Million Dollar Listing yesterday, because they used that word like FIVE TIMES! In your face you stupid idiot! In other word-related news, ever think about how very different the words URBAN and URBANE are? The E must be like the father who never comes back from getting cigarettes and fucks everything up. I wish Dad would’ve done that. Oh well, can’t win em all!” 

The definition of urbane.

Replacing Bad Words

17 Feb

with funnier, weirder ones…

“Got a mandate from some PC douchebag in HR that we’re not allowed to say stuff is “gay” anymore at the office, so my friend Jupiter came up with a great replacement. Now we call everything that’s gay “brave.” “Hey that pink shirt you’re wearing is really brave, Kevin.” “Talking about politics is so fucking brave.” “This birthday party is braver than AIDS.” Aaaaaaand so on. You’re welcome.”

Now we’re supposed to believe that he has a friend named Jupiter, which in a way is not that surprising. 

Learning And Loving

19 Dec

Sometimes he talks to me like we’re both retarded 13 year olds…

“Ladies love lewd leering from weirdos in windows. That’s called a fucking double-alliteration. Only pimps do them. Pimps and dykes and marks and busters and freaks and gonads and boops and mooky-stinks. Dykes haha. Who says “dykes” anymore? I do!”

“Dykes” wasn’t really the word that troubled me there. It was probably “boops” or “mooky-stinks.”

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