This is how he spends his Fridays sometimes:
“I was just thinking that if you could hang out with some old timey famous people like Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson nowadays, it would actually probably be really annoying because they’d never stop bragging about how all their awesome inventions are still so important to us nowadays. They’d never shut up about it I bet. Probably go something like this:
ME: So what do you guys want to do today?
BEN FRANKLIN: Not sure, but I bet it will involve electricity, like everything else on Earth does!
THOMAS JEFFERSON: Perhaps we could eat some macaroni while sitting in swivel chairs!
(then both guys laugh hysterically for a minute)
BEN FRANKLIN: I don’t know, Thomas, could you write up a proposal which I’ll review wearing these BI-FOCALS?!?!?!
THOMAS JEFFERSON: Sure, I’ll make you both a copy on my DUPLICATING MACHINE!!!!!
(they both laugh hysterically again)
ME: Okay guys, I get it. You invented tons of shit. Can you stop bragging about it?
BEN FRANKLIN: You shouldn’t have gotten us stoned. I get arrogant when I’m stoned.
ME: How would I know that? We just met when you arrived in this fucking time machine.
BEN FRANKLIN: Powered by electricity!
THOMAS JEFFERSON: And macaroni!
BEN FRANKLIN: Now, good sir. How about we find us some of that- what was it you called the lady parts again?
BEN FRANKLIN: Yes- “Pussy!” What a hilarious name for it. We used to call it “Satan’s Pocket Purse.”
ME: Yeah, there’s a bar up the street. And yes, Thomas, we can count our steps using a fucking Pedometer, okay?
THOMAS JEFFERSON: Thank you, good sir. Just one more thing- do you think there will be any women of ebony complexion at this “bar” you speak of?
(Then we all laugh hysterically because everyone knows that TJ loves black chicks)”