He sent me this lovely emoticon spectacular after I called him Nancy…
When you start drinking early. He sent this earlier:
“I think when you get older you should cut your hair short and get a boob job. Just met a hot lesbian who looked like that and MAN ARE MY ARMS TIRED!!!!”
And when I wrote back “Not sure if I can pull it off,” he wrote:
“Sorry wrong person. Sue me.”
I can agree to this, but I don’t think he knows what he’s getting into since he tells me this all the time…
“Can we just all agree that no one has ever missed a text message? If I don’t text you back it’s because I hate you or I’m on mushrooms or I decided I’m gay again. It’s not because I overlooked your text. That’s just a lie.”
that just occured:
HIM: “Last poop could be best described as “Southwestern.””
HIM: “No it was more of a color thing. Lots of dusty browns. Some dark purples. Are you familiar with Georgia O’Keeffe’s work?”
ME: Dark purples? Are you dying?
HIM: “No it’s just my passive-aggressive liver trying to send me signals like a bad girlfriend. Just shut down already if you’re so mad, pussy!”
ME: Good luck with that.
HIM: “Luck is when preparation meets opportunity. Remember that.”
Another important life lesson from a dying man.
Without a stage…
“K through 12? More like GAY through 12, am I right? Where’s everybody from tonight?”
Stupid. Just stupid.
He sent this late last night. I will try to be better but I’m also trying to get good grades and finding that to be very hard…
“Poundtown. Population: 2.”
I think that means he got laid. So congrats to him!
He’s like the Dos Equis guy but younger and drunker…
“Only ladies and church-nerds shower before 5PM on weekends. Keep it stankin’.”