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Jack Of(f) All Trades

1 Jun

He sent me this lovely emoticon spectacular after I called him Nancy…

Make it rain!

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Accidents Happen

19 Apr

When you start drinking early. He sent this earlier:

“I think when you get older you should cut your hair short and get a boob job. Just met a hot lesbian who looked like that and MAN ARE MY ARMS TIRED!!!!” 

And when I wrote back “Not sure if I can pull it off,” he wrote:

“Sorry wrong person. Sue me.”

I did it again. Found the best picture ever.

Not Missing You

17 Apr

I can agree to this, but I don’t think he knows what he’s getting into since he tells me this all the time…

“Can we just all agree that no one has ever missed a text message? If I don’t text you back it’s because I hate you or I’m on mushrooms or I decided I’m gay again. It’s not because I overlooked your text. That’s just a lie.”

Text Exchange About Shit

30 Jan

that just occured:

HIM: “Last poop could be best described as “Southwestern.””

ME: Corn?

HIM: “No it was more of a color thing. Lots of dusty browns. Some dark purples. Are you familiar with Georgia O’Keeffe’s work?”

ME: Dark purples? Are you dying?

HIM: “No it’s just my passive-aggressive liver trying to send me signals like a bad girlfriend. Just shut down already if you’re so mad, pussy!”

ME: Good luck with that.

HIM: “Luck is when preparation meets opportunity. Remember that.”

 Another important life lesson from a dying man. 

Colorful and frightening.

He’s A Comedian

19 Oct

Without a stage…

“K through 12? More like GAY through 12, am I right? Where’s everybody from tonight?”

Stupid. Just stupid. 

Census Report

19 Oct

He sent this late last night. I will try to be better but I’m also trying to get good grades and finding that to be very hard…

“Poundtown. Population: 2.”

I think that means he got laid. So congrats to him!

Stay Dirty, My Friends

2 Oct

He’s like the Dos Equis guy but younger and drunker…

“Only ladies and church-nerds shower before 5PM on weekends. Keep it stankin’.” 

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