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“Dope New Tat”

24 Jan

or incredibly weird/sad email to send your little brother? You be the judge! He sent this late last night:

“Check out my dope new tat! It’s my motto for everything in life now. “I’ll start tomorrow.” Working out? I’ll start tomorrow. Quit doing drugs? I’ll start tomorrow. Recycling those bags of old hooker bones in the utility closet? I’ll fucking start tomorrow jeez get off my case MOMMMMM!!!!!!!!!! Get with the program bro. Why do now what you can put off until tomorrow, and then also not do tomorrow?”

Here’s the pic. I’m calling BS on it being real for obvious reasons. But if it was, it wouldn’t be his first ill-advised tattoo: 

Fairly good penmanship though...

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Dealing With The Tattooed

6 Sep

Which he is one of…

Just broke one of my own rules and told a chick in my office that her new tattoo was “Retarded.” Never tell a girl that her tattoo sucks– those things never go away, and it hurts people’s feelings. Instead, when a girl shows you her terrible new tattoo, say something awesome like, “Man I just wanna pour honey all over that thing and lick it off in a meadow.” Then when she says “What??” just say “What??” back really quick-like and stare at her until she kisses you. Not so smug now, are you Inky???”

I remember when he got his first tattoo and our Dad hated it. He went upstairs and came back down with a fake “DAD SUX” tattoo on his forearm in sharpie. Dinner was funny that night. 

Yes we will Megan. Yes we will.

Tattoo Suggestion

30 Jun

First he wrote this and included the below picture:

“Dude you should get this tattoo!!!!”

Why would anyone want to see this every day

I wrote back “That’s a no go. Mom’s not dead.” Then he replied:

“Don’t worry she will be soon enough.”

What a guy. 

Love Letters

26 Apr

With last night’s “cameras” email and now this scanned letter he sent to like ten people, I fear he’s off the deep end like never before…

“Gay people– Wanted to get your thoughts on this letter before I give it to the new girl at my office. Too much? Too little? Any feedback would be appreciated.” 

Pretty sure our grandpa never said that.

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