He shaved his beard, and it warranted a multitude of talk…
“Decided to shave my beard tonight because I noticed it’s starting to get cool in society. Mixed results. Thought about suicide. Decided against it. A tip: If you’re planning on growing a beard and getting fat under it, get back in shape before you shave it off. I just got super stoned, shaved my beard off, realized I was fat and then played a game around my apartment with the mirrors called “Fat Gay Demon” where I pretended to get scared every time I saw myself.”
or trying not to be…
“Only the good die young. I’ve been trying to O.D. or get killed in a nasty guitar accident for years to no avail, which is how I know I’m bad. Which reminds me– The song “I’m Bad” by LL Cool J kicks a ton of ass. A lot of people think that LL Cool J is just that black guy who makes the clothes they buy at Sears, but he used to be a great rapper too. Knowledge is Power.”
So just to clear that up: Only the good die young and knowledge is power. Pretty standard stuff. Here’s the song, which might be the best rap video ever:
Summary: It sucks…
“Just sneezed at my desk and pulled my groin. Why did I sneeze? Barbara’s new perfume. Why did I pull my groin? Because my once virile, beautiful body has become a wasteland of weak muscle tissue and strong regrets. I’m a piece of shit. So again I urge you– Take some mescaline, listen to R Kelly’s song “I Believe I Can Fly” and jump off your frat house roof next semester.”
Someone made this. Think about that for a second.
His brain is the place, apparently…
“Had a dream last night that an ugly white trash girl left me with her newborn baby in a shitty apartment, and I spent the whole dream taking care of him and hoping her ugly ass would come back, but she never did. At one point, I walked the baby down to the local gas station in a blanket like I was a Russian Babushka to get the little fucker a bottle of Dannon water to drink. Point being, when you get old like me, even your dreams are pathetic and involve responsibility. Plus it’s a damn ripoff of the premise of the third season of Eastbound and Down. I’d call my show “Third Down and Gay.” Unoriginal, manual labor-type dreams. Fucking pathetic.
Why am I telling you this? Because you need to NOT get old like me. Drink all the jungle juice at your last fraternity party of your second senior year and just end it. Trust me, you’ll be missing out on nothing. Plus then I can milk your death for all it’s worth. “Oh my brother, what a crying shame!” I’d scream in between lines of coke and kisses from a Puerto Rican girl who swears she’s 18 but conveniently can’t find her driver’s license. “I’m all alone in this World!” I’d bellow as she gave my D a Hamilton Piledriver. You get the picture. Thanks in advance bro!”
The “Hamilton Piledriver” is a new one I’m not familiar with. And that’s also the 10th time he’s basically told me to kill myself, so… Yeah.
This is not a dream, kids.
He sent this picture and the below
“Finally someone made a gun for people with multiple personalities to kill themselves– great knowing you bro!”
More bang for your buck.