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Tips On Stalking

11 Jan

In case anyone needed them, which he apparently thinks I do…

“Remember– it’s not stalking if one of you is in love. That should free you up a bit. Never let guilt be the thing that drags you out of someone’s bushes. Let it be police.” 

"What's that officer? Just making a student film!"

He’s Watching You

17 Nov

Well, some of you… Half of you:

“Shit! Just got caught looking through the peephole I drilled into the ladies room at my office. Just kidding! No one will ever catch me. I designed it too well. I win again!” 

Creepy.

Love Letters

26 Apr

With last night’s “cameras” email and now this scanned letter he sent to like ten people, I fear he’s off the deep end like never before…

“Gay people– Wanted to get your thoughts on this letter before I give it to the new girl at my office. Too much? Too little? Any feedback would be appreciated.” 

Pretty sure our grandpa never said that.

Communication Tip

26 Apr

He’s right:

“I know I’ve told you this before, but it’s true. Girls nowadays are so used to getting texted to death that a phonecall goes a long way. And don’t even get me started on hiding in closets!”

"Hey. Want to hang out this weekend? Or now?"

Falling

11 Apr

Funny text:

“I’m going to really deserve it when I fall down the stairs trying to stare into the hot girl across the way’s window. Just sayin.”

Don’t Sleep On Him

5 Mar

More creepiness from the world’s foremost Creepologist:

“A tremendous way to evaluate how hot a girl is is to watch her sleep. And if you can actually be inside the house while she’s sleeping, all the better– dirty windows can distort your view.”

"Sorry, just trying to evaluate your hotness."

You Follow Me?

28 Feb

He has an uncanny ability to scare the shit out of people with weird comments:

“Was just talking to this hot chick and she said “You should totally  follow me on Twitter” to which I responded, “I’ll do you one better. I’ll follow  you home tonight and record your every move from your bushes.” Then I showed her this photo. WINNING!”

I’m a bit surprised we haven’t heard more about the continuing Charlie Sheen saga from him. I know he’s an admirer. 

Creep style.


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