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Drive

21 Sep

A lot of great stuff happening here. His first movie review in a while and a major development in the world of no homo…

“Saw Drive last night. First off, see that shit immediately if you still like stuff that KICKS FUCKING ASS. Second, Ryan Gosling better go ahead and get that restraining order ready because I’m coming for his ass, No Romo. It’s gonna be me, Ryan, and Jon Hamm– the three best friends that anyone could have. Can you imagine the scraps those dudes will leave me when we’re drinking really cool drinks that aren’t even on the menu? “Oh sorry man– me and RyGo [our nickname for him] are going to quadruple team these four 10’s, hope you’re cool taking these 9’s.” Um, yeah, I’m totally cool taking the 9’s Hamm-Bone [our nickname for him]! And I think they’ll call me Master Blaster for obvious reasons. After the girls leave we’ll all high five and watch sporting events that haven’t even happened yet. Fuck we’re gonna have so much fun!!!!!!!!!” 

No Romo????? Amazing.

 

I will always work hard on a picture if the email is worth it.

 

 

 

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Love Letters

26 Apr

With last night’s “cameras” email and now this scanned letter he sent to like ten people, I fear he’s off the deep end like never before…

“Gay people– Wanted to get your thoughts on this letter before I give it to the new girl at my office. Too much? Too little? Any feedback would be appreciated.” 

Pretty sure our grandpa never said that.

Another Nickname

3 Feb

Immediately following the drug advice email came a text:

“Come to think of it dude- “Suspicious Package” would be a dope nickname for you.”

I think it’s a bit long. Five syllables is way too many for a nickname.

Assuming Identities

30 Dec

I’m sure these nicknames would be big hits with the ladies:

“This fella “The Situation” seems to be getting a lot of good publicity and getting laid a lot. I’m thinking that a nickname could help you do better with the ladies next semester. I came up with a couple ideas for you. Feel free to use them:

1. The Dictionary: You could yell “Funk & Wagnals!” every time you enter a party. People would probably get really excited. “Oh shit The Dictionary’s here!’ is something they might scream. And then a hot girl would say, “He knows everything” and pass out.

2. The Problem Area: When you meet girls say “Whatup bitch it’s The Problem Area” and then move your hands in a circle in front of your dick. I bet a couple hot sorority girls would go, “Uh-oh!” in unison and then smile and look at each other like the Olsen Twins used to.

Hope those help. I’ll text if I come up with any more.”

The Encyclopedia?

 

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