Or please please do forget. Or something… I’m very confused here:
“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth. Mike Tyson said that shit, and it’s beyond true. It’s literal, it’s metaphorical, it’s allegorical, it’s deplorable and it’s adorable. So remember that the next time someone poops on your toothbrush or calls your backpack “gauche” or dungeon rapes you and three friends just because you happened to be hanging out by the river one day enjoying your youth OH GOD PLEASE SOMEONE MAKE THE NIGHTMARES STOP!!!!!!!”
Sometimes I post stuff on there that I feel like I shouldn’t. Okay almost all the time. This probably should stop soon.
is not recommended, in the slightest…
“You’ve got finals coming up, right? Try this– when you sit down and address the test and realize you haven’t paid attention and you suck at everything, suddenly leap to your feet and scream “What am I on PUNK’D or something?!” The combination of surprise, hilarity and the incredibly timely pop culture reference will blow your classmates away. Don’t slip on any brains that will have inevitably exploded everywhere when you storm out! Reminder– always storm out of a room after you make a kickass witty comment. It lets people know that NOTHING can top what they’ve just experienced. And reminding people who’s the boss is incredibly important in life. Why do you think they made a whole fucking TV show (“ALF”) based on that concept???? PS how funny was it that ALF was always trying to eat the cat? Is this thing on?”
I knew he was really big on the show PUNK’d and brains exploding after something awesome happens, but I didn’t know about ALF, which I don’t remember at all but Wikipedia makes sounds really ridiculous:
Yet another in a long line of tips that I’m not sure why I would ever use:
“A fun thing to do in the mornings is to position stuffed animals next to sleeping girls faces so when they wake up they think a creature from their dreams has come to kill them. Then just wait their in your suit, reading the newspaper and drinking coffee, and when they wake up and scream, chuckle to yourself, fold the paper up and say “Ha! Idiot.” and then leave. Talk about a great way to start the week!”
Why is someone his age still sleeping with girls who have stuffed animals? Or, maybe a scarier question… Do girls always have stuffed animals????
"Wakey wakey eggs and bakey!"
No other way to describe this one…
“Ever since I got skull fucked by that Demon last year I haven’t felt 100%. Seeing my doctor later. Keep forgetting to tell him. Let that be a lesson to you– if you’re ever tripping balls and a door starts glowing red, DO NOT OPEN IT.”