When you start drinking early. He sent this earlier:
“I think when you get older you should cut your hair short and get a boob job. Just met a hot lesbian who looked like that and MAN ARE MY ARMS TIRED!!!!”
And when I wrote back “Not sure if I can pull it off,” he wrote:
“Sorry wrong person. Sue me.”
I did it again. Found the best picture ever.
Today’s sex tip courtesy of a man with an un-verifiably long penis:
“It’s hard to explain to a girl that you’re not interested in them sexually, but you are VERY interested in them + one friend. To best accomplish this, you first need to be on stable ground in your one-on-one sexual relations. So tough out the awkward sex moves, the cellulite, and the occasional toilet paper remnants– because you’re building towards something potentially great. While you’re having sex next time, when you’re getting a real good pump in, make sure to yell something like “I wish I could go down on you at the same time I’m fucking you!” Then get in real close to hear her response of “Me too” or whatever she says (lady talk = not important). When she does, mention the potential of bringing in her sluttiest friend sometime (they’re usually named Brittany or Kelsey, FYI). You know, to do what you can’t. All girls are like guys in that they too have a lesbian fantasy from time to time. The sheer excitement of the idea combined with the power of Absolut Vodka should help her to acquiesce (Jesus Christ look it up, dipshit!) Once you’ve got the crew together, teach them a move I call the Two-Sided Harmonica and make sweet sweet music! Let me know if that doesn’t work and I’ll think of something else. That is, of course, unless you have a fourteen inch Schlonson Hammer in your pants like me. If that’s the case, fuck it. Just tell the chick to bring a friend next time to see the show. As Kobe Bryant says, “You’re welcome, Faggot!””
I remember he once told me a long time ago that a guy who brags about his dick a lot probably doesn’t have a big one. Maybe he forgot.
"I'm Kobe Bryant, and I approved this fucking faggot-ass message."