Or maybe it’s an allegory. I’m not too good at school stuff…
“Had to get out of Vegas before I committed suicide or had sex with another runaway. Just drove all the way home and boy is my dick tired! But I realized something as I stopped for some tacos and meth downtown. Driving through Downtown LA on the 4th of July must be what it’s like to live on the Gaza Strip. Explosions everywhere in the sky and little brown people running around screaming. Scary.”
Looks like a pretty typical celebration to me.
It’s hot as fuck in my dorm and I couldn’t be more bored. Meanwhile he’s going to UFC fights and getting in trouble. Wish I was in Vegas…
“After watching all those guys bludgeon each other into submission last night, needless to say I was fully torqued and could barely contain myself. I went on a lady hunt reminiscent of the Oscar winning Ice-T film “Surviving The Game,” eventually finding myself and my friend a couple of 6’s to share. But we grew tired of them and made an attempt to trade up. Problem was, it was 4 in the morning, and my math was a little off. We accidentally traded down to a group of 4’s, and then in a disturbing twist of idiocy, ended up getting a hip-to-hip from a 2 at 8:13AM this morning. What’s a hip-to-hip, you ask? Well, it’s when you and a really close friend get even closer. No homo. Okay, kind of homo.”
Okay maybe I don’t wish I was in Vegas for that.
And I’m sitting in an old dorm…
“Spontaneous trip to Vegas commencing in t-minus NOW. Check the news later, I have a feeling I’m going to explode there into a thousand pieces of awesome. If you’d gotten better grades you could’ve come with me, you idiot.”
Way to rub it in that I fucked up.
Just woke up from a 5 hour nap and it’s nighttime. Great. He sent this earlier:
“Nothing like banging out some P90X, eating $50 worth of sushi and hitting on your therapist to get rid of a Vegas hangover.”
There were so many things over the last four days in Vegas that I wished I would’ve recorded. Sorry friends. I’ll make it up to you.
Until later, here’s a text from this morning…
“Make sure to watch a lot of porn today before Vegas. BUT DON’T JERK IT. This is called the Fire Hose– a signature Vegas move of mine.”