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War Metaphor

4 Jul

Or maybe it’s an allegory. I’m not too good at school stuff…

“Had to get out of Vegas before I committed suicide or had sex with another runaway. Just drove all the way home and boy is my dick tired! But I realized something as I stopped for some tacos and meth downtown. Driving through Downtown LA on the 4th of July must be what it’s like to live on the Gaza Strip. Explosions everywhere in the sky and little brown people running around screaming. Scary.” 

Looks like a pretty typical celebration to me.

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Let’s Make A Deal

3 Jul

It’s hot as fuck in my dorm and I couldn’t be more bored. Meanwhile he’s going to UFC fights and getting in trouble. Wish I was in Vegas…

“After watching all those guys bludgeon each other into submission last night, needless to say I was fully torqued and could barely contain myself. I went on a lady hunt reminiscent of the Oscar winning Ice-T film “Surviving The Game,” eventually finding myself and my friend a couple of 6’s to share. But we grew tired of them and made an attempt to trade up. Problem was, it was 4 in the morning, and my math was a little off. We accidentally traded down to a group of 4’s, and then in a disturbing twist of idiocy, ended up getting a hip-to-hip from a 2 at 8:13AM this morning. What’s a hip-to-hip, you ask? Well, it’s when you and a really close friend get even closer. No homo. Okay, kind of homo.”

Okay maybe I don’t wish I was in Vegas for that. 

He’s Going To Vegas

2 Jul

And I’m sitting in an old dorm…

“Spontaneous trip to Vegas commencing in t-minus NOW. Check the news later, I have a feeling I’m going to explode there into a thousand pieces of awesome. If you’d gotten better grades you could’ve come with me, you idiot.” 

Way to rub it in that I fucked up.

New Video!!!

19 Mar

On last Saturday night in Vegas with my brother and his friends, some very crazy shit occurred. Most notably, an argument between my brother and a hooker he’d hired for his friend. I’ve been working on this on and off since I got back, using my drunken memory of the moment and texts from my brother for his recollection of how it went down, and here it is…

Working It Out

15 Mar

Just woke up from a 5 hour nap and it’s nighttime. Great. He sent this earlier:

“Nothing like banging out some P90X, eating $50 worth of sushi and hitting on your therapist to get rid of a Vegas hangover.”

There were so many things over the last four days in Vegas that I wished I would’ve recorded. Sorry friends. I’ll make it up to you.

Back in Black

15 Mar

Or something like that. I feel like shit. Absolute shit. Luckily I had this email from him to cheer me up:

“You’re going to feel pretty terrible over the next week. Lots of swirling thoughts, random visuals of puke and body parts and money flushing down toilets. Guilt will mix with pride, and will combine into stomach aches and moodswings. That means you had a good time. Just roll with it.”

Twitter was more fun than I thought it would be. Trying to find a happy medium between the two so that we can all live on the Internet together in peace and harmony. But for now, I sleep.

One of his buddies. Identity withheld to protect the guilty.

Check Twitter This Weekend

11 Mar

@brosbadadvice

Until later, here’s a text from this morning…

“Make sure to watch a lot of porn today before Vegas. BUT DON’T JERK IT. This is called the Fire Hose– a signature Vegas move of mine.”

 

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