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18 Apr

It gets worse and worse with age…

“I have this recurring daydream where I’m walking down the street stoned and whistling and someone mugs me. But when they get home, they feel terrible about it and, after realizing that I had no cash and all my credit cards are maxed out, decide to pay down all my balances and throw the wallet in a mailbox. When I was your age I’d daydream about falling into the trash compactor from Star Wars, except instead of it being filled with trash, it was filled with smoking hot Latina girls covered in baby oil. What a slippery time we’d have! Point being, NOTHING gets better with age. Not even wine. You should drink wine the second you see it, not when some guy who can’t even hit a line drive in a batting cage tells you to. And never get old. I swear you’ll thank me in Heaven.” 

There were supposed to be bitches in here!

And here’s another picture because I couldn’t decide which one to use:

I typed "Latina Girls Baby Oil" into Google Images.

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