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Be A Weiner

7 Jun

I saw this coming from a mile away. He sent this to me and his friends:

“Dudes– Why is everyone getting so mad at this 17 year old gay kid with Benjamin Button disorder for sending a picture of his young wrinkled cock to people? And parading him around in a suit that doesn’t fit, making him have press conferences and shit? C’mon America! JK, JK. I know he’s a politician, what do you think I’m stupid? My real concern is that everyone’s missing the larger issue at play here– that this dude (who so resembles a magical fish-rodent it’s not even funny– okay it’s hilarious) has really opened up the gates of cock-photo texting to us all. First it was athletes and celebrities, but now it’s Congressmen too! I think that seals the deal, fellas. We can now send cock photos to whomever, whenever, and with total impunity. Just say, “Hey, Weiner did it!” and you’ll have yourself an amazing double entendre. “Does he mean Anthony Weiner, or his own weiner?” She’ll wonder. “Either way, I love it!” She’ll no doubt say, laughing to herself and shaking her head like a loving parent might at the sight of their child taking a shit on the floor. So turn your computer off, take your cell phone out and start snapping dick-pics. But remember to get yourself going first– no one wants to see a cold little weiner in their Inbox! God Bless America, God Bless Anthony Weiner, and may God Bless the 52 girls I’m about to text– one for every week of the year!” 

I also knew a “God Bless America” was coming. This is the dude’s official Twitter account photo:

There's bad yearbook pictures, and then there's just looking bad your whole life.

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Cat Fight

22 May

Looks like he had one…

“Check this shit out dude. Evidence of why you should never hang out with a Malaysian girl. They are fucking DANGEROUS. One minute it was “Please fuck me in the bathroom”, then it was “GROWL STAB CUT!!!”, then “Suck my pussy at the stoplight,” then she would be all “KILL DESTROY SCREAM!!!” Plus she had a speech impediment disguised as an “accent,” not unlike all Bostonians. I made her get out of my car so I could drunk drive alone. And this is why we fight all these wars, man. Non-Americans are dangerous. And PS if you notice, I took the photos while peeing- BECAUSE I’M BOSS.” 

Here are the two photos he emailed. I think he’s being dramatic. Funny but dramatic:

Slice!

You can actually see the stream of urine.

“Picture Of My Dick”

27 Jan

That was the title of the email he sent me with an attachment… that I would have been very afraid to open had the body of the email not said:

“Just kidding! Nature is awesome!”

What a prankster…

I like that it's a wallpaper from some shitty website.

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