or trying not to be…
“Only the good die young. I’ve been trying to O.D. or get killed in a nasty guitar accident for years to no avail, which is how I know I’m bad. Which reminds me– The song “I’m Bad” by LL Cool J kicks a ton of ass. A lot of people think that LL Cool J is just that black guy who makes the clothes they buy at Sears, but he used to be a great rapper too. Knowledge is Power.”
So just to clear that up: Only the good die young and knowledge is power. Pretty standard stuff. Here’s the song, which might be the best rap video ever:
I will try my hardest to attain a copy of this, but it may just be a lie:
“Just found my 1994 hit rap single “Make That Ass Wobble Like A Floppy Disk” which features epic lines like “Girl give me Growing Pains like I’m Alan Thicke/Make me wanna write a book called “Chicken Soup for my Dick!” Still not sure how I didn’t win a Tony award for that one. You should probably record some rap music before your time’s up. Very cathartic.”
Did you know that Leonardo Dicaprio was on Growing Pains????
Hoping I can turn in a chart like this when I return to school tomorrow…
“The length of time you can keep a massive drug and alcohol addiction a secret is DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL to how good looking you are. Please see the attached chart as evidence.”
Another reason to feel bad for FUGLY people. And who knew about Brad and Angelina???
He sent this list of his “Top Ten Predictions for 2012” so I added some pictures to it. I’m really bored. Click on this little guy for fun:
2012 top ten
Even though it’s going to be tough…
“Just watched Fight Club with a girl (don’t worry I made her punch me the whole time) and Holy Moses is Brad Pitt jacked in that mofo!!! I looked up his workout plan so I could mimic it, but the big problem is that I’m not sure how I’m gonna be able to fuck Jennifer Aniston 11 times a day. I’ll keep you posted as details become more clear.”
Looks unhealthy to me. Perfect!
And also a bunch of other federal charges coming soon for him…
“Everyone’s been talking about this new app “Siri” for the iPhone and how it allows you to find out where the nearest laundromat-disco-flower is to the cattle ranch you’re turning tricks at, so I decided to do the World one better last night– I kidnapped Suri, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ kid. Problem is, I keep asking her questions and she’s not really all that informative. Most of her answers involve how hungry and scared she is, and sometimes when I’m all like “Hey Suri is it going to rain today?” she just starts crying and screaming about how she wants to go home. Anyway, she fits right in my purse and I’m going to be the belle of the ball tonight at the art gallery opening I’m attending!”
"Kidnapped Suri? Hahahahaha that's hilarious. Prepare the volcano aliens to attack."