Or do. I dunno anymore…
“Just punched a bee out of the air. Why? Because I could. Most people can’t even swat a bee against a wall, let alone punch the honey out of one that’s MID FUCKING FLIGHT. And if you can ever do something that other people can’t, like play the piano or dunk- just do it. Just do it all the time like those rich white guys said to those poor, talented black kids in the 80’s. “Just do it fellas! Here is some equipment to do it with!” That’s a real quote from the founder of Nike’s autobiography called, “I Took All The Biscuits.” Anyway my point is, it’s important to make people feel small by demonstrating your talents in front of them and their nephews as often as possible.”
“Hahahaha I fell down!”
from your problems, or let them walk away from you…
“Three days ago my feet come up to me and say, “We wanna try Meth!” and I was all like, “Do your thing, feet! Nobody’s holding you back!” Three hours ago they show up all beat to shit asking to borrow $15. And $15 is a weird amount to ask to borrow. Just say $20, it sounds more businesslike… I KNOW IT’S FOR DRUGZ FEET!”
Looks like he has bed bugs.
If this happens to you, don’t brag. Call 911…
“Blew my nose last night and a dead moth came out! That’s how you know you’re awesome. I’d send a pic but I took one and my iPhone 6 broke immediately.”
Nothing’s gonna work on him today, not even the beautiful image he sent me…
“Fucking six year old ladybug tried to cheer me up. No way! Drank a beer alone behind a garage. This is a normal work day when you grow up. Shit is wack, homey! Shit is most certainly wack. Don’t major in Business. Major in Poetry and Pussy Getting. There is literally nothing more important in life than fucking.”
I like that he started that the way he ended it. “Fucking.”
I feel like I could turn this in in a photo class next semester maybe?