He loathes technology, which makes this whole thing all the more funny.
“I hope you’re mostly using the Internet for cheating and jerking off. This whole Twitter thing is ridiculous. I feel like people are just abbreviating speech over time to the point that we’re all just going to be talking in a series of clicks and pops like those African tribes that mediocre 1990’s comedians used to make fun of.
In my day, perverts had the dignity to at least go out into public. Now everyone’s on the Internet. When I was a kid, if you wanted to stalk someone you put on a hooded sweatshirt and got in the bushes like a normal person. If you wanted to see pictures of girls you knew in bikinis, you got a job at the local Rite-Aid developing photos. And tweeting was when you stuck your pinky up someone’s ass while giving them an Eskimo kiss. An Eskimo kiss!
So keep your ass off the Internet. It’s all 45 year old men pretending to be 9 year old girls and 9 year old girls pretending to be 45 year old robots. It’s dangerous.
Don’t ever tell anyone secrets via email. Fuck, don’t ever leave anyone a weird voicemail either. Trust me, people will use that shit against you.
BRB TTYL LOL.”
Can’t wait til he sees The Social Network.

Bright colored plaid, silly bands... but you lost me with the flip-phone. :(
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