Got laid AGAIN last night. And she was a sophomore, so I’m basically the man now. I forgot her name but used the old “put your number in my phone” trick and then met up with her later. What’s up now motherfuckers!!!!!!
I forgot to wear a condom though. Woops!
He loathes technology, which makes this whole thing all the more funny.
“I hope you’re mostly using the Internet for cheating and jerking off. This whole Twitter thing is ridiculous. I feel like people are just abbreviating speech over time to the point that we’re all just going to be talking in a series of clicks and pops like those African tribes that mediocre 1990’s comedians used to make fun of.
In my day, perverts had the dignity to at least go out into public. Now everyone’s on the Internet. When I was a kid, if you wanted to stalk someone you put on a hooded sweatshirt and got in the bushes like a normal person. If you wanted to see pictures of girls you knew in bikinis, you got a job at the local Rite-Aid developing photos. And tweeting was when you stuck your pinky up someone’s ass while giving them an Eskimo kiss. An Eskimo kiss!
So keep your ass off the Internet. It’s all 45 year old men pretending to be 9 year old girls and 9 year old girls pretending to be 45 year old robots. It’s dangerous.
Don’t ever tell anyone secrets via email. Fuck, don’t ever leave anyone a weird voicemail either. Trust me, people will use that shit against you.
BRB TTYL LOL.”
Can’t wait til he sees The Social Network.
Bright colored plaid, silly bands... but you lost me with the flip-phone. :(
Sent him the following email: “Classes start tomorrow! What am I supposed to do??!?!??!!!” And he wrote back the following:
Great. Thanks a lot.
Just woke up from last night. What year is it? College is the best thing in the history of the World. I’m going to fail a few classes on purpose every year so I can stay for six like my brother did. Maybe he’s a genius after all. Finally got laid last night. Don’t remember much of it, but it happened. And that’s good enough for now.
I feel like an old timey video game character today.
His email says it all. FML.
“If you’re wondering whether it’s pathetic to be masturbating in your dorm room during the first week, it is. Go get some pussy for God’s sake. It’s 9/11 here and Jesus would want you to get some revenge pussy on the Muslims.”