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Thinking On Behalf Of Others

5 Jan

A specialty of his, so long as it makes no sense… This is one I forgot to post from long ago:

“I was just standing behind my car in a random parking lot, talking on the phone wearing my tank top exposing my tats and some kick ass red shorts I bought SIX YEARS BEFORE COLORS WERE COOL, when a beautiful woman stopped dead in her tracks upon gazing at me. “My my…” she thought to herself. “Sometimes you see a man that reminds you there’s a helluva lot more out there in the World. Some magical place where ALL people are awesome, and NO ONE gives a shit. He must be a visitor from that fair land. Look at the car he’s chosen– a Volvo… safe so as to protect his perfect alien body… but Turbo, in case he needs to make a quick escape. And blue? Who’d have the gaul??? And he’s smoking, even though the Earth doctors told him not to– that he’ll die! What’s that he’s doing now? Throwing up? Our silly food does nothing but displease his space-stomach. I bet he got a coffee at that Coco’s and had a laugh. Simple people, we are. Hot brown liquid is our favorite… Ha! Anyway, back to my husband Jim.”

Special request, don't tell Jim.

Special request, don’t tell Jim.

Moneyball/Spaceballs

13 Oct

and his weird weird brain have combined…

“Just saw Moneyball and I’ve gotta say, I was pretty disappointed. Not because the movie sucks– it was fine. Brad Pitt was playing a handsome guy that no one liked and Jonah Hill was playing a fat nerd– so as far as I could tell it was completely accurate. My problem with the movie was that I thought Moneyball was the story of a galactic all-female death squad that roamed the universe challenging humans and aliens and spaceships to a dangerous game they invented with super ambiguous rules and heckling audiences made up of Space Worms and their gnarled teeth. About ten minutes in I realized that was just the dream I keep having and not a movie. Still put my dick in the popcorn though, don’t worry. I give it ten lima beans out of a possible 32 postage stamps and one elegant turnip. You did it again, Spielberg.”

Steven Spielberg had nothing to do with this movie.  

If they weren't both actors, this same picture could still exist.

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