From a complete dickhead:
“Hey I just wanted to thank everyone under the age of 30 for being so absolutely shitty at everything that it gives drunks with emotional problems like me a second chance at life. Here I was, buried under a pile of cocaine and arrogant Filipino lesbians a few years ago, thinking it was all over for me, that a new group of young upstarts was coming to take my job… but then you guys showed up, shrugging your shoulders and complaining about everything, thinking everyone owes you something, one-upping each other’s stories so much that at the end of an hour one of you declares himself Lord Xenu, ruler of all things lame, and generally just NOT BEING WORTH A SHIT. So thanks a lot, youngsters– it’s your absolute inability to do anything worthwhile that has allowed me to puke at my desk and not get fired for the last ten years!”
I thought he did get fired. Wait a second, is my brother a liar?