But only when hallucinating. That’s the lesson of the day:
“Just started thinking about how much beer I’ve bought over the years in six, twelve, eighteen, twenty-four and thirty pack increments, and I realized that I should have taken that Leprechaun’s offer twelve years ago when I was tripping balls in a park and he offered to sell me “One million beers” for only $10,000. I guess my point is, buy bulk when you get the chance.”
“My favorite time of night is when I wake up on the floor and get up for a glass of water from the fridge. My least favorite time is when the dude comes into the kitchen and is all like, “Hey how the fuck did you get in my house?!?!?!?!””
“Reasons my back hurts currently: A) I’m old as fuck. B) I fell down the stairs the other night. C) I’ve been sleeping on the couch because I’m afraid of my bed for some reason (ask weed– he started it). D) I’m pretty sure the liver is in the back, right? That motherfucker is hurting and pissed.”
I think he’s on one of the finals levels of his downward spiral.
“Here’s about the most fun you can have as an old man on a Sunday night. I was walking back into my apartment at 11PM and headed naturally to my computer to masturbate, but then I remembered “Hey! You put a beer in the freezer!” so I did a sick spin move into the kitchen, and as I grabbed the freezing cold perfect beer from the top shelf, I said aloud to myself, “Nice spin move.” So remember that when you’re nose-hair-deep in Rachel Greengoldsilver’s asscrack this week.”
I actually know Rachel very well and I doubt she’ll let that happen.