It’s hard to tell how serious he is about something like this…
“Racism is still alive and well, my friend. Don’t believe me? Check out Fox News or the NHL. There’s like ten black dudes total in there. What’s that? There aren’t many ice skating rinks in black neighborhoods? Fuck you, David Duke! The point is, white people have it easy. And white women have it the EASIEST. That’s why for the rest of the year, I’m only going to have sex with minorities. Everyone’s always fucking white girls, it’s so passe. I feel like all the Black, Latino, Asian, Blasian, Blatino, and Latinafrican-Americans are being ignored. Well not by this penis anymore! Join me on my quest, and help make this World a better place.”
I looked up David Duke and he’s a really interesting/terrible person.
According to him. He sent this weird photo…
“After 17 years of trying to make it in the music biz, Billy the Giant Guitar finally gave up today. Let that be a lesson to you– Dreams don’t come true.”
Even the trashcans are beautiful in LA.
Tips for people with anger problems:
“They’re doing inspections on our whole apartment building tomorrow, so I had to go into evasive drunk action over the weekend to fix the three doors and one wall I’ve destroyed over the past year. How, you ask? Simple. Alcohol + Women + Unresolved Childhood Issues = ME SMASH EVERYTHING!!!!! It’s like the time I turned into the Hulk outside a bar and literally destroyed a man’s car with my fists. I cannot be stopped when angry, and physical things are like a joke to me. Walls? Hahahahahahaha! Gimme a break, walls. I will fucking punch right through you like I’m in a Quentin Tarantino movie. Anyway, if you ever need some tips on how to fix up your dorm or frathouse room or off-campus apartment, just give me a call. I should have my own TV show I’m such a good carpenter at this point. I’m all into stucco and drywall and paint and all that shit. Fuck I know how to hang doors at this point! I’m like Bob Vila, except awesome and drunk and mean.”
Just add alcohol!
For those of you playing at home…
“I was really drunk last night (surprise!) And White Men Can’t Jump was on TV. Well guess what, America? That shit’s going on the Fistfight List. Here is an updated version for your records:
Things I Will Punch You in the Face For if You Don’t Like them
Scripted TV: THE WIRE
Reality TV: JERSEY SHORE
Music: OLD RAP
Movies: WHITE MEN CAN’T JUMP
Book Learning: KURT VONNEGUT
I think that’s about it for now. As far as art goes I know what I like but I’m not sure who makes it. Go to a BBQ today and piss your pants in front of everyone. Ladies find that shit hilarious and also arousing because it shows how confident you are about your sexuality.”
My Dad is BBQing right now. Should I do it? It feels right.